Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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