We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
