When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
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