I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
