i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
