I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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