Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
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