this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I want her autograph on my taint
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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