a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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