i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
