well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Randomize
