woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
