he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
