so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
