youre lurking in front of me
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
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