Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Randomize
