i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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