Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
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Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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