woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
