My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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