You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
