perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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