So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
