Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize