i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
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