respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
