two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
