Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
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