Well douche your snatch and let's go!
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
