watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
