It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
