forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
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