I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
