and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
