i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
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