Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
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There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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