I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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