can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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