I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Randomize
