K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize