does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize