You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Randomize
