M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Randomize
