Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
