me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Randomize
