Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
