is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
