Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Randomize
