dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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