Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
