You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
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