I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
