I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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