so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
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