I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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