So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
