Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
