What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
