Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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