Your face is a jimmy john
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize