in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize