He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
