how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
