i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
