she looked like the before picture.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
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My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
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I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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