I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
