suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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