he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
