i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
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He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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