hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
