She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
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Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
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Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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