I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Please don't give away my fajitas
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