If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
