I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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