Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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