Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize
