ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
