Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I'm really busy with my period
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