Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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