Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
