I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
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It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
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We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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