Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
This is the prime rib incident all over again
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
