Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Randomize
