It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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