I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Randomize
