My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
