If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Randomize
