And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Randomize
