She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
