Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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