he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
