Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
