What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
