you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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