I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Randomize
