ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
it's like iHOP with fire
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
